Count it all joy...

Monday, March 19, 2012

I have always considered myself a traditional individual. From my views on clothing style, to swimsuit attire, music, dancing, drinking, dating, and marriage, I have always taken the more conservative and traditional approach. Until lately, that is.

From the beginning, the story of how Don and I met was non-traditional. It is still unknown to many that we actually met online. On September 27, 2011 Don and I were matched on eHarmony. By September 30th, I had given him my number and we began texting before our first phone conversation on October 2nd. (Don wanted me to add that when we first started texting, he was so worried because he’d gone to a football game where he couldn’t get reception in the stadium. So he couldn’t respond to me for four hours and he was afraid I’d get the impression that he was not interested in our conversation. *So cute*). Do you want to know what won me over from that very first conversation though?

For Starters
eHarmony was not new for me, for either of us really. I subscribed in the summer of 2010 and had even met someone as a result. When that didn’t work out, I reluctantly turned back to eHarmony on September 22nd and had already talked on the phone with two new guys before getting matched with Don. Don subscribed from January through June and had no luck, so he also re-subscribed hesitantly on September 26th (both of us paying full-price this time around). Neither of the two new guys seemed to really fit though, so I was looking forward to talking with Don. My first response to his message to me on eHarmony was, “I get the sense that you’re a pretty chill and laid back kind of guy—so I’m totally comfortable with texting if you’d like to go with that route since it’s quicker,” and proceeded to give him my number ;)

In that first phone conversation, what stuck out to me the most was the story of how he set a world record. Of course, it was surprising that he had even set one to begin with, but the particular record that he told me he set was the real clincher. To this day he has the framed certificate hanging on the wall for setting the world record of consuming the most amount of pudding in three minutes. (He also wanted to add how rare it is to even “set” a world record as opposed to “breaking” one. *Goob*). As soon as the words were out of his mouth, I burst into laughter for probably a minute straight. Anyone who knows me knows how much I love to laugh, so I was pretty much hooked from that moment on. Anyone who would attempt to set a world record for eating a ridiculous amount of chocolate pudding in so short a time, is good in my book :]

Three weeks after that first phone conversation, Don was on a plane from Orlando, Florida, headed to Springfield, Missouri, to meet me. We, of course, had talked every single day since then, and my excitement was through the roof. That weekend he asked me to be his girlfriend, assuring me that there was no pressure to give him an answer right away. A month later he returned and I agreed to officially date him. He came to visit once more before Christmas break, and on January 2nd he flew to Arizona to meet my family. During his third visit to Springfield he had told me that he loved me, but I chose to wait to tell him the same. On January 3rd, I took him on a scavenger hunt around my home state as part of an extended belated Christmas gift to him. At the conclusion of the day, I recited a letter I had written to him (which I had memorized), and at the end I told him that I loved him. On January 18th, Don packed up everything and moved to Springfield to be closer to me.

I am not sure exactly when we began discussing marriage, but we were both in agreement that we did not care to have a long engagement. Mention of elopement floated around and we were both in huge favor of the idea. Don was adamant that he wanted do things right and get a ring though, to which I responded that I didn’t even care about getting one. I have never cared about having an extravagant ring or wedding, so I told him that I did not want him to spend a lot on the ring. Whenever I would suggest eloping, his default response was always that he was saving up for the ring. So I remained (semi) patient, waiting on him to make the call.

For Spring Break, I had a cruise planned out of Miami with my friend, Erika. We made plans to stay at Don’s mom’s house outside of Orlando, on the days that Erika and I were not on the cruise. Don had told us to pack dresses because his mom wanted to take us out to a nice restaurant while there. However, that was never the plan. It ended up working out in Don’s favor, so that he did not have to lie, and he planned for us to visit his sister instead. On Friday, March 9, I returned from the cruise and Don told me that he and I were driving two hours to Tampa, Florida, in order to hang out with his sister one last time before leaving. Since she worked late, he was going to take me out to dinner before we would meet up with her.

Don took me to a restaurant called Bern’s (which is apparently tied as the #1 restaurant in the country) and the place was absolutely incredible. However, amongst the elegance and beauty of the restaurant, I could not get past the high price of the food. My thought was, “He is spending SO much on this meal when he could be putting the money towards the ring, which is supposedly the only thing holding him up.” So at the back of my mind was this frustration of, “I could do without this meal if it would mean getting the ring faster.” I almost voiced this to Don, but I didn’t want to ruin the mood of the evening, so I said nothing. :P

After the meal, we headed to a park that he said he always wanted to stop at but had never had the opportunity to. His sister had just called telling us she was off work, and he told her we would head over there after our stop. We began walking through the park and stopped in front of a large fountain. He gave me a hug and turned to look at me. I was proud of myself for staying composed through his proposal, allowing only one tear to trickle out until he actually knelt down (at which point a few more streamed down, of course).

As for setting a date, this is probably the most non-traditional part of my relationship with Don. Since we agreed that we wanted multiple receptions to allow all of our family and friends to celebrate with us, we didn’t think it plausible to have a big ceremony as well. So, as opposed to a nice ceremony, we will put effort into planning three receptions, one in Springfield, one in Arizona, and one in Florida. Due to people leaving Springfield for the summer to return home, the reception in Missouri needs to take place before graduation. Thus, we will be eloping within the next several weeks.

I know this may come as a surprise to many who always imagined me having a traditional wedding with my dad walking me down the aisle and performing the ceremony. But as I said, my relationship with Don has been anything but traditional from the start. Our parents are behind us on both sides and we are confident in our decision. We’ve received counsel from many different people and are grateful for the words of wisdom that have come from loving hearts. Details on each reception will come in the near future. Thank you so much to all who have loved and supported us and our journey thus far. <3

Sunday, September 18, 2011

A new semester, the last year of my undergraduate studies, a new opportunity to learn and grow… That is what is ahead of me in the days to come. This past month has brought a lot of changes and with them a lot of thoughts of the changes that are soon to come. My job/career, friendships/relationships, furthering my education— all these things have been consuming my mind in recent days. Each category holds a very different plan and outcome for my future, so the choices I make in the upcoming months are incredibly crucial.

I could choose to go straight into the world of job seeking upon graduation in May and pursue my passion to work in the publishing industry. I could choose to follow my heart and move to where my best friend is to see if things would blossom from there. If I chose that route, the third option would consequently come into play, and I would attend graduate school, fulfilling my desire to continue to learn about the subject I have loved for years. The first and third options could happen anywhere really and the second is a sort of one-shot deal that has less of a chance of succeeding… So it’s less of a reality then, as it is wishful thinking. Yet, option two probably excites me the most, were it to work out the way I would have it to. It’s adventurous, thrill seeking and has an air of uncertainty that should it unfold smoothly, would bring a joy that would be rivaled by few events in my life.

I don’t typically put these kinds of thoughts into writing, but in thinking on it recently, I have discovered how incredibly important they are to me. I have often found myself frustrated regarding the situation because things have not lined up in the arena of the correct timing of it all. While everything else matches up, timing is the consistent thorn that forces any positives results to remain at bay. A year and a half ago a verse of Scripture was shared with me, and one year ago I shared it with others as an encouragement to their future. I recently found the verse again, having nearly forgotten its wisdom, and it spoke straight to my heart and the situation at hand.

“For still the vision awaits its appointed time; it hastens to the end—it will not lie. If it seems slow, wait for it; it will surely come; it will not delay.” ~Habakkuk 2:3 ESV

“If it seems slow, wait for it,” His Word exhorts, gently reminding that “it will surely come.” Despite when I believe that it will never come, He promises that “it will not delay”, for even though ‘my’ time table may say that His answer is late— ‘His’ always proves to be perfect and with Divine accuracy. Whichever route His Spirit winds up leading me, I have this verse as a reminder that waiting for His direction is always going to be the best decision that I could make.

My encouragement to you would be that you don’t give up because the answer seems to delay. It’s a somewhat simple admonition to remind you to trust in Him for His perfect response and answer, but one that oftentimes gets pushed to the side in the midst of struggle. Let Him lead and guide you in His timing, for if you allow Him that opportunity, you will surely not be disappointed.

Sunday, June 5, 2011

Inspired by my new friend, Tiffany Conn, and her words on her future husband… I’ve decided to talk a little about my own dream guy. I have always been under the mindset that there is one perfect guy out there for me. Not that he is a perfect human being, but that he is perfect specifically for me. People often misunderstand when I say that, because they think that with all of the requirements that I expect him to have, that I want him to be perfect. But that couldn’t be further from the truth.

Recently I have had several conversations with guy friends on this topic and what I’ve come to find has been a little disheartening. I know that I am not perfect, and therefore in no way do I expect my future mate to be anything close to that. What my close guy friends have told me though is that the “good girl” persona I put off can be intimidating. Since my sins come off as “small” in the eyes of the world, I give off an aura of perfection. With this idea of sins I brought up the scriptural idea that each sin is the same in the Lord’s eyes— so I am just as unclean and just as in need of a Savior as the worst criminal out there. My friend brought up though, that it is hard for the world to recognize this, and so my sins seem pretty insignificant in the grand scheme of things.

All of this then leads to guys thinking that they are not good enough for me. They recognize that I am a strong believer and know what I want in my future mate. They think that because they have made so many mistakes in the past, that that somehow makes them unworthy. I can’t tell you how many times I have heard, “You deserve someone really great, someone a lot better than me.” With that kind of mentality filling their minds though, who will actually step up and put their insecurities aside and pursue me, if they all feel that there is someone better than themselves for me. I pray that that man will have the courage to push his doubts aside and know that I am simply looking for a man who will love God first and me second, all the days of his life.

That leads to the first and most important “requirement” on my list of must haves in a future mate:

—He must love God first and foremost. More than me or anything else, I want him to have an undying love for his Savior.
—He must live out his faith in a way that shows he is not ashamed of his faith, but rather proud to be a part of the Kingdom. (Meaning, he walks the walk and doesn’t just talk the talk).
—He must share my desire to live as much outside of the world as possible, reflecting the scripture that says we are to be in the world and not of it. (Meaning things like drinking, cursing and smoking are not acceptable).
—He must be a family guy. If, for whatever reason he does not have a strong relationship with his family, he must be willing to be there for his future family and desire to have close relations with them.
—He must be willing to remain pure until marriage. Even if his past is tainted, I want him to remain abstinent with me.

After these five, the must haves turn into more of nice to haves:

—Someone who loves to worship. This almost crosses over to the must haves list because it is of extreme importance to me. One of my favorite things in the whole world is to worship the Lord with song. I cannot imagine being with someone who does not share this passion.
—Someone who can make me laugh with incredible ease. This isn’t difficult for most people, but he’s really got to be able to do it effortlessly.
—Someone who is friendly and talkative, but is able to listen as well. When I have my quiet/shy moments, I want to know that he’ll be able to hold his own in conversation.
—Someone whose specific beliefs are very similar to mine. We don’t have to agree on every detail (as the message of salvation is most important)… but it would help if he agreed with me on most spiritual issues.

The last two are more for fun:

—Someone who is either athletically or musically inclined.
—Someone several inches taller than me, preferably between 5’10-6’6… Right around 6 ft is ideal :)

All of this to say, I know what I am looking for and I refuse to settle. As a daughter of the most High King, I know that He has someone extradordinary in mind for me. He will not be perfect, as I am not either, but he will be just right for me. I always joke that I hope to just be married at 30, but even if God did have me wait that long, I would rather wait 30 years to find the one I will be with for the rest of my life… than to marry the wrong person and have it end shortly thereafter (though divorce is not an option in my mind). So in the meantime, I pray for him regularly, whoever he may be, and I hope that he is waiting for me, just as I am patiently waiting for him.

“A woman’s heart should be so hidden in God that a man has to seek Him just to find her.” ~Max Lucado

Saturday, May 21, 2011

For some reason the hurts and struggles of others have been weighing heavily on my heart lately. This isn’t entirely out of the norm or out of nowhere… as I have realized for some time now that I have been blessed with the gift of empathy. I always like to clarify when I bring up the term empathy because it can often be confused with sympathy. The dictionary definition of the word is as follows:

“The intellectual identification with or vicarious experiencing of the feelings, thoughts, or attitudes of another.”

That describes me to a tee. My emotions are hypersensitive to those of people around me. When a person smiles or laughs, I easily reflect it… likewise, the sight of one teary or watery eye brings up the same emotion within me. I choose to call to it a blessing because my sensitivity to these raw and unabated acts of emotion allow me a glimpse into the internal worlds of those around me.

Several years ago I recall being a leader at a youth convention in Phoenix, Arizona. I stood near the front amongst the other young people who had come to the altar at the end of a message. I remember, clear as day, asking God to give me a window into the lives of the young people suffering in the world. I wanted to feel their pain and anguish so that I would never forget my purpose on this earth… To give Him glory and bring others to the saving knowledge of His Amazing love and grace.

I have often wondered why He would make me so sensitive to the feelings of the people around me. I am not sure if it is something that has always been with me or if it just became stronger after that moment… Whatever the case, I cannot deny that the perception I hold is not just a fluke or that I am even simply imagining it all. Every fear I hear voiced takes root in me, and I can imagine where it found its birthplace. Every angry thought or word makes sense when I see the place where it came from deep down. Every joy fills my senses as I see the victory that has been long awaited.

To circle back to my initial statement, recently I have been bombarded with the trials that people are facing around me. Everywhere I turn, it seems another person is deeply hurting or struggling with something so big that they don’t know how they will make it through this time. And each time I am reduced to tears in the solitude of my room as I pray for the mountains that loom overhead of these individuals. Some are dear friends and some are people I have never met in my life… but just the same, my heart weighs heavy with even just a tid-bit of knowledge of each situation.

I say all this as an encouragement to those who are struggling and as a motivation to those who are at the top of their current mountain… that you might be able to look down into the valley and remember when you were once there— and remember to lift up those who are downtrodden at this moment. Reach out to someone hurting today; even if it is in the smallest of ways that may seem insignificant, you never know how far one simple act of caring or kindness will go. For the weary and broken, I leave you with the lyrics to one of my favorite songs to listen to when the night seems to be endless…

“Would you dare, would you dare to believe
That you still got a reason to sing?
‘Cause the pain that you’ve been feeling
It can’t compare to the joy that’s coming

Come on, you gotta wait for the light
Press on and just fight the good fight
‘Cause the pain that you’ve been feeling
It’s just the hurt before the healing

Oh, the pain that you’ve been feeling
It’s just the dark before the morning”

—Josh Wilson, Before the Morning

“The Lord helps the fallen
and lifts those bent beneath their loads.” Psalm 145:14 (NLT)

Saturday, May 14, 2011

Living in the city has it’s advantages and disadvantages. One of the disadvantages being that you can never see just how expansive the night sky is. The city lights don’t allow for the brightness of the stars to be seen with ease as they are in the country. Everytime I return home to Arizona I am reminded of this, as the beauty of the clear view of the stars just blows me away.

God has a way of speaking me to at moments when I am in the midst of His wondrous creation, and it is at those times when I believe I can I hear Him the clearest. The other night I was driving home from a friend’s house at a late hour and as I drove I noticed the immense amount of stars in the sky and had to pull over. I opened my window and stuck my head entirely out in order to look up at all the stars looming overhead (what a sight I must have been). Wow, I thought to myself, just in awe of the sight. You’d think I’d never seen stars before or something. I think it was just a mixture of not having seen that many stars in so long, and the song lyrics that happened to be playing at that moment from my car stereo, mentioning darkness, midnight, and light.

“Maybe your spark is just beginning
And maybe it burns from a lifetime long ago
Darkness doesn’t stand a chance

Even when you’re close to midnight
Even when the walls are closing in
There’ll always be a star that’s shining
And darkness will never win
Where the light is”

The song, titled “Where The Light Is”, is last on the debut album of new band Anthem Lights. The lyrics and the beauty of the moment struck a chord within me and I just sat there staring up at the sky for several minutes. It is at times like these when I just cannot imagine this world coming into being by coincidence or chance. Jesus calls believers to be a light to the world, and this has been my very goal since I was a child.

“Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven.” Matthew 5:16 

I leave you with the lyrics that continue to resignate in my heart and reflect the truth of scripture (Remember to shine brightly for Him this day, for this is our calling as believers):

“Where the light is
Darkness can’t be found
Where the Lord is
Darkness must be bound

Darkness will never win
Where the light is”

“God is light and in Him there is no darkness at all.” 1 John 1:5